well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
