...so i touched it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't turn off my feet"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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