You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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