Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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