Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
