I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
