redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
