Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
