so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
