You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
