I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
