My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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