So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
