The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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