we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
