Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
