It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dicks are not precious.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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