she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
