Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
