Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
