I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
