she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize