Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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