I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
