omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize