Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
