Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
