OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
