i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
NoShamevember. You game?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
