Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize