then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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