they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
