it wasn't lemon gatorade
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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