Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You don't make any sense
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