I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
