She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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