I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize