Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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