Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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