So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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