Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Your dad touched me again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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