I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
