2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
