I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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