Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
