So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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