they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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