so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
