why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
