When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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