No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize