apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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