is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
