If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
