So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
