I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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