...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
