just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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