i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
