you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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