they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
