She said her name was "party"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
