I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize