The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
