wrigley field is MILF paradise
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
