I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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