we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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