Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
