well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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