I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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