Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize