My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize