We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
