my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
