I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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