dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
