im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
