Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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