i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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