he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
