Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
