u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
