My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize