the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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