Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
