dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
